Ignite Portland

Uriah Zebadiah has been fantastically correct about absolutely everything for nearly 30 years. An inveterate autodidact and born performer from the wilds of Vermont, he has lived in five cities, flunked out of three colleges in seven years while alternately holding majors in computer science, english, theatre, business, creative writing and holistic studies. He started a gaming convention in New Jersey, sold saxophones to the rich and powerful of Washington DC, lied his way into film production gigs in NYC, lived with anarchist musicians throughout the pacific northwest, and published everything from pornography to politics under a variety of secret and not-so-secret pseudonyms. A veritable giant both physically and mentally, he also dabbles in the occult, plays three instruments, and enjoys hitting people with sticks.

Uriah Zebadiah's surprisingly upbeat end-of-the-world speech!

Yes, the world is coming to an end. You know it, I know it, we all know it. But rather than get down in the dumps about it, here's five fast-paced minutes of good reasons we should all be happy about it. We'll cover why the world sucks, why the people running the world suck, what you can reasonably expect to come out of all this, why the future will kick ass, and above all, what you can do to live fat, free and happy throughout the transition.

Topics to race through at breakneck speed:
-Completely %#@&'d: Government, Markets, Media, and Society. One raging rapid-fire minute on what's corrupt, what's broken, what's on the verge of failure, what's going to bite us later on down the road. Plus: dance steps to use on the future unmarked graves of corporate titans!
-Drought and Devastation: Think food is expensive now? You ain't seen nothing yet. What will Portland do in the face of 1 million refugees from California? You'd better believe climate change is a bitch, and it's just getting started.
-Hyper-inflation: Why it might hit us any day now, how it will suck, why it might save the American economy from unnecessary misery, and how you can mitigate the pain and suffering it will cause.
-Fascism: It's not dead, and it threatens to enslave us all. A citizen's primer for preserving and enhancing liberty and justice when most people are demanding crushing tyranny!
-Intensely Networked Autonomous Communities: how the world will look when we finally get it right, or how the internet will teach us all to get along.
-First steps: what you can do right now, this week, this month, this year. Don't miss out on your opportunity to not die of starvation and/or violence!